SOS —Save Our Summer: How to Actually Enjoy Your Kids (And Yourself) This Summer
(pssst: this framework actually works 24/7/365: it’s never too late to start)
It's April, and maybe you've already felt it.
That little knot in your stomach when someone mentions summer break.
That subtle sense of dread when you think about ten unstructured weeks stretching ahead of you like an endless desert of "I'm bored," "What's for lunch?", and "Can you take me to my friend's house?" on repeat.
I remember the first time it hit me. My twins were about four months old, and we were heading into our first Christmas break. With absolute sinking dread, I realized that weekends and breaks were never again going to be BREAKS. Ever. In fact, they were going to be HARDER.
That spinny panic feeling washed over me as I wondered when the F I would ever recover from this back-to-back marathon-at-sprint-pace experience they call parenting. (Remember, this was in the depths of darkness and winter, and we had just hit the four-month sleep regression with TWINS. It was not pretty.)
Fast forward to now: the calendar squares filling up with camps you can barely afford, family obligations you're already exhausted thinking about, and the pressure to CREATE! MAGICAL! MEMORIES! while somehow also working, keeping the house from becoming a biohazard, and maybe—just maybe—having five consecutive minutes to pee alone.
And if you're parenting neurodivergent kids (or ARE neurodivergent yourself), the sudden evaporation of school-day structure can feel less like "yay, freedom!" and more like "who moved all the furniture in the dark?"
What If Summer Could Feel Different?
Take a deep breath and imagine this with me for a moment:
What if this summer, you weren't just surviving until September?
What if, instead of collapsing across the back-to-school finish line, you walked into autumn feeling... refreshed?
What if your children witnessed you unapologetically taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, and modeling what it looks like to be a whole human being with needs and limits—not just a snack dispenser and entertainment director?
I'm not talking about finding more money for fancy camps or suddenly becoming Pinterest Mom of the Year. I'm talking about something much more revolutionary: deciding that YOUR needs matter equally in the family equation.
Because here's the truth that nobody tells you: When YOU thrive, not just survive, everything changes. For everyone.
Why Summer is Actually the Perfect Laboratory
Summer break creates the perfect conditions for trying something different. The regular routines are already disrupted. You're spending more time together. The external demands of homework and school schedules are paused.
It's like the universe is handing you a blank canvas.
I remember when my kids started kindergarten. I had been paying the equivalent of a mortgage for daycare and couldn't wait for "free" public school to start. Then reality hit—no more year-round care, random professional development days in the middle of workweeks, and suddenly, TWELVE WEEKS OF "GOOD LUCK, HOPE YOU FIGURE IT OUT" summer "break." No more early drop-off and late pickup.
In that moment, I realized what that mortgage payment to our daycare providers had actually been for, and what “free” really meant.
Summer was by far the worst. Absolute dread. The patchwork care. Some truly spectacular flame-out nannies. (Turns out the people who are available and interested in a parent's desperate late May attempt to secure full summer nannying at a "barely meeting market rate" price are... shaky at best.)
One summer, I just went into executive decision/BossMom mode and decided both kids were going to CAMP, all summer long. "Here it is, it's great, it's decided, how great is this!" RELIEF. I had it all figured out by March.
And then they absolutely RIOTED.
I realized my kids were also burned out... from school, from schlep, from being told what to do. They're neurodivergent, they mask all day, they get exhausted and need downtime... but they also need structure and routine. And they need me, they need us, they need connection.
And I need to work and "take care of myself too."
HOW?!
It's maddening, right? But here's the thing: The ripple effects of what you create this summer won't end in September. They'll flow right into the school year, creating new patterns of interaction, new family dynamics, and new ways of being together that honor everyone's needs—including yours.
Even more powerfully, your children are watching. They're absorbing how you treat yourself, how you ask for what you need, how you set boundaries. They're learning, through your example, what it means to be human—messy, imperfect, and worthy of care.
The way you show up this summer isn't just about making it through these weeks. It's about who your children will become as adults, possibly as parents themselves someday. It's about breaking generational patterns of self-sacrifice and burnout.
It matters that much.
Recognizing Burnout in Disguise
Before we dive into solutions, let's get real about what we're dealing with.
Parental burnout isn't just being "really tired" or "stressed out." It's a distinct condition with physical, emotional, and relational consequences.
It is also: not your fault, not failure, and a sign of broken systems, not a broken person.
According to burnout experts Emily and Amelia Nagoski, stress isn't the problem—it's stress that gets stuck in your body without release. It's carrying yesterday's argument into today's breakfast. It's that constant background hum of overwhelm that never quite turns off.
You might be experiencing burnout if:
You find yourself snapping at small things that wouldn't normally bother you
You're using sarcasm, heavy sighs, pursed lips, or “I’m going to pretend I’m totally fine” smiles as your primary language with your kids
You feel emotionally numb or disconnected from activities you used to enjoy
The thought of one more request makes you want to scream
You're experiencing physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or insomnia
You're counting down the minutes until bedtime... starting at breakfast
For neurodivergent people and families, summer intensifies these challenges. The sudden absence of predictable routines, the sensory assaults of hot weather and crowded public spaces, the constant togetherness with no built-in breaks—it's a perfect storm.
Burnout Bingo
Take a moment and check which of these statements feel true for you:
□ "I love my kids, but sometimes I fantasize about running away."
□ "I feel guilty when I take time for myself."
□ "I'm constantly exhausted but have trouble sleeping."
□ "I can't remember the last time I did something just because I wanted to, without guilt."
□ "I often feel like I'm failing at everything."
□ "Small decisions feel overwhelming."
□ "I find myself zoning out on my phone instead of being present."
□ "I'm quick to anger in ways that don't feel like 'me'."
□ "My joy has been replaced by just getting through the day."
If you checked three or more, you're likely experiencing some degree of burnout. But here's the good news: recognizing it is the first step toward changing it (the next step? Try these 9 unconventional ways to beat parent burnout)
Permission to Prioritize Yourself
Let's address the elephant in the room: the crushing weight of parent-guilt (and especially birth-mom-guilt).
There's this pervasive myth that good parenting equals self-sacrifice. That somehow, the more depleted you are, the better parent you must be.
What a load of crap.
Martha Beck, life coach extraordinaire, talks about the essential self versus the social self. Your essential self is your true nature—your authentic desires, needs, and values. Your social self is the part that's been trained to meet external expectations.
For too many parents, the social self has completely hijacked the operation. We're so busy meeting cultural expectations of what "good parents" do that we've lost touch with our own internal compass.
Here's a radical thought: What if taking care of yourself isn't selfish? What if it's actually essential to good parenting?
The oxygen mask analogy exists for a reason. You literally cannot give what you don't have. Your capacity to be patient, creative, loving, and present with your children is directly proportional to how well your own needs are met.
Your Permission Slip
I hereby grant _______________ (your name) permission to:
□ Say "no" without explanation or guilt
□ Take breaks when needed, even when others are disappointed
□ Ask for help instead of martyring myself
□ Let go of Instagram-perfect summer expectations
□ Feel my feelings without judging them
□ Set boundaries that honor my needs
□ Define "good enough" parenting on my own terms
□ Prioritize rest as essential, not optional
□ _________________________ (add your own)
Practical Tools for Summer Sanity
Alright, let's get tactical. Beautiful permission slips are nice, but how do we actually make this work in the chaos of real family life?
The Summer Scaffold: Structure Without Stranglehold
Kids (especially neurodivergent ones) crave predictability but wilt under rigidity. The sweet spot is what I call a "Summer Scaffold"—a flexible framework that provides just enough structure to prevent chaos while leaving room for spontaneity.
Are you someone who desperately wants consistency, routine, predictability — but struggles with exactly that? Buying all the planner tools and family white boards, making the lists and grand plans and then… devolving into free for all couch time and exhausted and resentful of your Early June Eager Beaver self?
Excellent, me too.
That’s why I use KC Davis’ “rhythms over routines” concept. Rhythms are basic structures that anchor you — you can fall out of them, but just like a good beat, you can jump right back in.
What this might look like for you:
Morning anchor: A consistent wake-up window and 3-step routine that happens every day (e.g., breakfast, getting dressed, brief check-in about the day)
Midday rhythm: A predictable lunch window followed by a quiet time (for all ages—yes, even teens can benefit from a screen-free reset period)
Afternoon options: A short list of possible activities that change by the day (e.g., "Monday is park day, Tuesday is home project day")
Evening wind-down: A consistent bedtime routine that signals the day is complete
The key is predictability without rigidity. Your scaffold might look completely different, but the principle remains: humans thrive with just enough structure to feel secure, but not so much that they feel trapped.
The Minimum Viable Summer
Another one of my favorite concepts from KC Davis (of "Struggle Care" fame) is separating care tasks from morality. Making beds doesn't make you a good person; unmade beds don't make you a bad one.
After our camp riot, we did some crazy hybrid one-week-on, one-week-off of camp and "figure it out." Halfway through the summer, my kids decided they actually wanted the routine of camp every week and really loved the YMCA (haha, the amount of energy it took to not EXPLODE with “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??”).
So then I had to (“had to”, will get to obligations later) beg the Y to let them in for the rest of summer, which they gracefully and happily did.
But here's what's wild: at NO POINT during all this frantic planning was I asking myself... what do I want from this summer? How do I take care of myself so I actually... enjoy summer in beautiful Rhode Island where I live ten minutes from a basically free town beach and miles of pristine shoreline and woods everywhere else and a “fun-sized” city 25 minutes up the highway?
That's why I created the "Minimum Viable Summer" approach:
What actually matters to YOUR family this summer?
Not what Instagram says matters. Not what your neighbor with the elaborate water table and homemade popsicles says matters. What matters to YOUR specific humans—including you?
Fill in:
The ESSENTIALS (what truly matters to your family):
□ _________________________________
□ _________________________________
□ _________________________________
The NICE-TO-HAVES (if energy and resources allow):
□ _________________________________
□ _________________________________
The ABSOLUTELY NOTS (your non-negotiable boundaries):
□ _________________________________
□ _________________________________
For many families, the essentials might be shockingly simple:
Everyone feels safe and seen
Basic needs are met (food, rest, connection)
Some form of joy happens most days
That's it. That's a successful summer. Everything else is bonus.
Boundary Scripts for Real Life
Boundaries are often where we struggle most. We know we need them, but the actual words stick in our throats.
But the struggle is worth it because, paradoxically, boundaries are connection-machines and bring you closer to each other (and to your own sanity, I promise),
Melissa Urban, boundary queen and creator of Whole30, offers a simple three-part formula:
Name what's happening
Share how you feel about it
State what you need instead
Some scripts to try:
For Partners/Co-Parents: "When I'm handling all the summer planning (what's happening), I feel resentful and exhausted (how you feel). I need us to divide these responsibilities more evenly (what you need)."
For Children: "I understand you want my attention right now (what's happening). I need 15 minutes to finish what I'm doing (what you need), and then I'll be fully present with you."
For Extended Family: "We've decided to scale back on summer commitments this year (what's happening). We won't be able to attend all the gatherings (what you need), but we look forward to connecting in ways that work for our family."
Practice these out loud. They'll feel weird at first—like trying to write with your non-dominant hand. But with practice, they'll become more natural.
Neurodivergent-Friendly Strategies
For neurodivergent families (whether officially diagnosed or just suspecting), summer presents unique challenges that require specific supports:
Sensory Regulation Toolkit:
Designated quiet zones in your home
Sensory retreat box with fidgets, noise-canceling headphones, weighted items
Outdoor sensory-friendly spaces (shade, less crowded times)
List of calming and alerting activities tailored to your child's needs
Transition Planning:
Visual schedules that can be adjusted daily
Transition warnings that work for YOUR child (timers, visual countdowns)
Between-activity buffer time
Transition objects that move from one activity to the next
Routine Within Flexibility:
Non-negotiable daily anchors
Visual cues for schedule changes
"Same but different" activities (familiar structure with novel elements)
Recognizing Overstimulation Before Meltdown:
In addition to these supports, it's super important to know, trust, and act on what your, and your kids', overstimulation "tells" are. It's not just to prevent the big mid-hot-and-expensive-and-public-and-much-anticipated zoo trip meltdown — it's also to help kids notice what works and what doesn't for them so they can eventually self-regulate... without your help.
Early warning signs might include:
Subtle physical signs: Face flushing, fidgeting more than usual, covering ears occasionally, rapid blinking, becoming extra still/rigid, skin picking
Voice changes: Speaking louder, higher pitched voice, speaking faster, or conversely, becoming unusually quiet
Movement changes: Pacing, rocking, toe walking, becoming clumsy/bumping into things
Social shifts: Suddenly not wanting to answer questions, standing too close or too far from others, avoiding eye contact more than usual
Self-regulation attempts: Seeking deep pressure (like leaning hard against walls), humming/making repetitive sounds, turning away from stimuli
Help kids develop awareness by:
Developing a 1-5 scale with personalized descriptions ("1 is calm like when I'm reading, 5 is about to pop like a shaken soda")
Practicing noticing sensations during calm times ("Let's notice three things our bodies are feeling right now")
Creating code words they can use in public to signal overwhelm without embarrassment
Validating their sensory experiences: "I notice you're covering your ears. Sounds are really big for you right now, aren't they?"
Creating a personal "body map" where they color in where they feel stress/overwhelm
Remember: Acting on early signs isn't "giving in" to bad behavior—it's respecting neurological differences and teaching crucial self-advocacy skills.
Implementing Change Without Chaos
When you start changing patterns in a family system, expect resistance. Not because your family members are trying to make things difficult, but because humans are wired to maintain homeostasis—even when the current situation isn't working.
This is what family therapists call the "change back" attack. When you start setting boundaries or asking for what you need, the system will initially push harder to get you to resume your old roles and behaviors.
I saw this in myself when I needed help. Sure, I could ask for help but then: money, guilt for leaving my kids, all the prep for a new caregiver that seemed equal to the time "off" I got, recovery from the new caregiver... it grew as time went on.
Leaning on family was possible and saved me, but it still felt like too much to ask because I was hyperindependent and resistant to asking for help in a non-transactional way. Paid babysitters felt easier because the terms were clear. (Pro tip: Hyperindependence is a major "you're about to burn out" red flag.)
It's not personal. It's physics.
Knowing this ahead of time helps you stay the course when things temporarily feel worse. Keep going. The new patterns need time to become the new normal.
The Parent SOS Kit
Even with the best intentions and plans, there will be moments when you feel yourself reaching the edge. Having a pre-planned emergency response can be the difference between a minor hiccup and a major meltdown.
Create your personalized SOS kit:
My Early Warning Signs:
Physical: _______________________
Emotional: _____________________
Behavioral: ____________________
Thought patterns: ________________
My 5-Minute Resets:
My Support Network:
Person #1: _____________ Contact: _____________
Person #2: _____________ Contact: _____________
Person #3: _____________ Contact: _____________
My Crisis Text: "I need a moment. Can you [specific help]?"
In my free ebook, "Compassionate Guide to Parents' Big Feelings," I go much deeper on what to do in those acute stress moments when you've lost your cool.
The short version: these moments happen to all of us, repair is always possible, and having a plan makes recovery much smoother for everyone involved.
The Daily Reset Ritual
One of the most powerful tools from the Nagoski sisters' burnout research is the concept of "completing the stress cycle." Stress gets stuck in our bodies until we actively release it through specific actions.
Your daily reset ritual might include:
Physical Release Options:
□ 60-second dance party
□ 5 jumping jacks + 5 deep breaths
□ Progressive muscle relaxation
□ 30-second stretch sequence
□ Humming or singing for vagal tone
Connection Moments:
□ 20-second hug with a loved one
□ Brief nature connection (feel sun/wind)
□ Pet cuddle time
□ Hand on heart self-compassion moment
Track which techniques work best for YOU. Not all stress releases work for all people. Find your personal formula and use it consistently.
What Success Really Looks Like
How will you know if your summer experiment worked? What metrics actually matter?
For you personally: _______________________
For your children: ________________________
For your family unit: ______________________
Maybe success looks like:
Fewer explosive moments
More genuine laughter
Being able to sit and read a book without guilt
Your child initiating independent play more often
Everyone starting the school year energized instead of depleted
The beauty of defining your own success metrics is that they can be completely different from anyone else's. Your "successful summer" might look like a disaster to the Pinterest mom down the street—and that's perfectly fine.
It's Never Too Late to Start
If you're reading this in April, you have a beautiful runway to prepare for summer. If you're reading this in June, you can start today. If you're reading this in August and thinking "well, I've already blown it," nope—the next hour is a fresh opportunity.
This isn't actually about creating the perfect summer. It's about disrupting patterns of burnout and self-neglect that have become normalized in parenting culture. And that work is valuable at any point.
What I've shared in this post is how I finally did it. It's always a work in progress because these damn kids keep changing, but the whole point of the framework is that it's flexible—it's based on your values and who you are and who your family is, and it assumes you're all changing all the time.
Even just observing your patterns without judgment is a powerful first step. Notice where you abandon yourself. Notice where resentment bubbles up. Notice what makes your shoulders tense and what makes them drop with relief.
This summer framework is actually a life framework—because you deserve to feel taken care of and centered and able to ask for help all the time. Not just during summer break. Not just when you're at your breaking point.
All the time. Because that's how we're going to make it through not just this summer, but this beautiful, messy parenting journey.
And your kids? They're watching. They're learning. They're absorbing what healthy humanity looks like—from you.
What an astonishing gift to give them. What an astonishing gift to give yourself.
Want to dive deeper? My ebook, "Compassionate Guide to Parents' Big Feelings," offers more support for those moments when you're triggered or overwhelmed. And my downloadable visual guide for acute stress moments is available on my website's Resources tab. Because we all have those moments, and you're not alone.
